Be Kind Rewind: VAMPIRE'S KISS: A Meme Machine

As an enjoyer of internet memes and gifs, Nicolas Cage has always been a gold mine. His turns in Con Air, Face/Off, National Treasure, etc., have all spawned legendary gifs and references made to this day among movie circles on social media. But perhaps the oldest meme of Cage that I had come across(and didn't know was him) is this one:

I would see this image on forums while in high school(20 years ago, thanks for asking), but never knowing who it was or where it came from left me somewhat hollow whenever I'd use it as a smart-ass remark to someone in a group chat or in the replies of a Twitter post(I'm not calling it X, I refuse).

To my great fortune, after returning home from a Magic The Gathering tournament, my wife wanted to hang out with me and watch the 1988 cult classic VAMPIRE'S KISS. And to my great delight, about 30 minutes into this 100-minute movie, I was greeted with this beautiful image:

Finally, my casual search had ended, and I was now better for understanding where this meme originated. Unfortunately, I still had an hour left to go, and as much as Nicolas Cage is going for it, I couldn't help but become bored and numb.

Yes, Nicolas Cage's performance should be the main topic whenever this movie is discussed. His line delivery is all over the place. His random accent is nonsensical. His physical acting might top all of that. When you think of over-the-top movie performances, this is easily on that Mount Rushmore.

But after a while, the insanity becomes too common for seemingly no reason. The inciting incident is seemingly this date with Rachel(Jennifer Beals), a woman he meets at a theater. However, we never learn what happened on this date. There's no lead-up to her bearing vampire fangs and biting him during intercourse. Just suddenly and randomly, this man who's in therapy believes he's slowly being turned into a vampire. I mention the therapy because it's possible that this movie leans into the "Well, obviously, they're damaged and crazy if they're in therapy" stereotype(it is an 80s movie, after all). No explanation left me somewhat confused for the run time of the movie. It felt like the version my wife and I were watching had about 3 minutes cut from the movie. Even if I'm supposed to assume he's just crazy, making him suddenly crazy 10 minutes into the movie is a choice.

In terms of others, Jennifer Beals and Maria Conchita Alonso are the only other actors of note in terms of screen time. Jennifer Beals is a serviceable seductress, but Maria doesn't have much to do. She's relegated to victim, which she does a serviceable job at portraying. Her character, Alva, is new to the publishing firm that Nicolas Cage is working for and doesn't want to lose this job, adding a reason why she is willing to put up with the manipulation and abuse she's given. Of course, their ultimate flaw is that they're not Nicolas Cage in a Nicolas Cage vehicle, so a grandiose performance vastly overshadows them.

All in all, this isn't a movie I'll ever revisit. While seeing where all the memes come from was largely educational, a Nicolas Cage performance so wildly out there can't elevate this into enjoyable bad territory for me.

🍿 SCORE = 39 / 100